God Precious Gift

              My first blog in November 2011. Its midnight and yes i cant sleep because i had my afternoon nap so instead of keep clicking the "HOME" button on Facebook i decide to write a blog. (:  You know, when in my previous BLOGS i actually said how much people DISLIKE me in SCHOOL and how i couldn't fit in with other people, well the problem is SOLVED. All i can say is that words spread because of PEOPLE'S MOUTH. Things that are true but NOT ENTIRELY true. Well it is all cleared up now and EVERYONE admit their wrongs and we all in this together again. What I'd really like to emphasize here is that , when we talked or decide to talk about someone in near future, we should make sure we are clear of what we are talking about. Just don't go saying stuff that you are not sure about. Don't ever make another person hates another because its of no use. Really. You are just hurting someone else and even if it makes you feel better at the end of the day when you look in the mirror YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE PROUD OR HAPPY OF. Conclusion is: "If you never like being treated that way than don't do it onto others".
           
              In the midst of this heart-aching days that i have been through i can PROUDLY type this down that God never leaves us alone. Just when i thought it wasn't fair that i have to go through all this alone, God sent me Angels around me telling me what to do, what to say and how to react. Its hard to SAY it out or CONFESS it but I did and i am happy i did it. It got me thinking why. Why is God putting me through all these? Is He really getting me ready for the real world in near future? Why do i have to go through this at this age? As i paced back and looked at other people's life that I've seen and been through with, they all faced greater challenge than i ever did. People might tell me i lost my parent and got back-stabbed by friends and that's tough but what they don't see is what i saw. As i looked through pictures of me and my best friend in the midst of tears and anger, God sort of told me inside my heart that they've been through more than i could bring myself to imagine being in their shoes. What I've been through might be a great fraction in my life. But what they've been through might just be a big fraction in their life too. Something they'll never forget. Just like me. That is what makes us so special. That is what makes us BEST FRIENDS.
           We are not PERFECT but we try hard to be one. In the end, its our scars that makes our relationship stronger. Its our scars that made us who and what we are up until today. Everyone has scars in their life and it is through these scars that we learn what its meant to live life. Life is all about having wounds and learning to heal them. Even though there are scars and its ugly, at least we could held our heads high and  proudly say "I'VE BEEN THROUGH LIFE". As a human, life ain't perfect and never will be. God doesn't always give us perfect life. There are days when its perfect but not always. Why? Because in the midst of the imperfection of our lives is where we truly FIND Him.  God knows the emptiness in our souls and He knows how much its going to hurt us when we fall. When i looked back, i tell you, I fall but NEVER hit the ground because He is there to catch me every time i fall. He stood there when i cried my heart out, He stood there when i say i am tired and couldn't go through this anymore and He still faithfully stood there when i questioned Him why He let BAD THINGS HAPPENED TO ME. He let tough situation to hurt us so much so that it hurts Him to see us getting hurt. He lets things happen so we could know that He is there and that He love us. 
                    
          I am God's precious gift in this world and so are you. Just look inside your heart and find Him or look at the sky/people around you, you'll find Him in the midst. He is always there.

Smile for life is worth living for and love and forgive for that is what makes a living (:

Thank you ANDREA, BEVERLY and aunty JACINTA. Couldnt have done it without you! xxx

Have a little solitary in life. It helps.

xoxoxo
AMBER (:

8th OCTOBER 2011

When i woke up today, i though of all the things You've done. I found myself lying on the bed feeling so over come. You gave Your life away for me, truly my heart sings i m THE LUCKIEST GIRL. How could i ever THANK YOU LORD? For giving me 18 years of living in the world You created for me? There wouldn't be me without You and Your plans. How could i ever thank you Lord? For picking me up every time i fall. Even though you might not be there physically to pick me up, You have always sent someone to help me pick myself up and to tell me that i must be stronger each and everyday.  How could i ever thank you for EVERYTHING?, when i KNOW i will never be able to THANK all the people that did wonders in my life for me?

Today, might seems to be just another ordinary day. But to me today, it made perfect sense. I realize how much i need to appreciate things in life before its too late and HOW MUCH EVERYONE HAS DONE for me! But me?? What have i ever DID for them? A question indeed for me to wonder. As i pace back in time to see my footsteps in life for 18 years, i remember every details since i was six. When i was six, all i wanted was a barbie doll kitchen set and how mama have to give up her $ to buy me one and had a small birthday cake because papa and mama couldn't afford one. There i was all so innocent and grateful not knowing how much they had to sacrifice just for me. I remember my sister kissing my cheek. I thought maybe she feels the same way i did. Then i was seven, all i wanted was barbie dolls and it continued till i was 10. This time though, papa and mama could afford a nice hotel dinner and well Barbies. Then i grew older and all i wanted was cloths well i can say up till now. ;) but  for birthday present, it no longer matter when i turn 16. I remember clearly how everyone wanted a SWEET 16 and all i ask papa was a ticket to KL with him and mama, spent all the week walking around KL. It was a GREAT BIRTHDAY and i wish to go back again to being 16. 17 last year, Lord, You provide me with two great people to bring me about ANDREA WONG and BEVERLY RACHEL. What made me never forget my birthday was the movie Charlie St.Cloud. It  tells me something deep; that life is always WORTH THE LIVING no matter if we did or didn't get a second chance and how i cried watching it and them both automatically reache out for my hands ;) That moment i place them both to a very very SPECIAL place in my heart and mind.

This year however, made me seriously realize serious stuff about life. I didn't have my sister around, my best friend around, no mama and papa either yet somehow i smile because in my mind i saw US together. All of us, mama, papa, angel, andrea and beverly. It might seems like a dream but in my HEART i know for sure that is was real. The thought of it made my day. (: Really.


Its really amazing how we change our minds when we grow older each and every year ;) How we don't feel secure anymore like children does and how we worry to much about life. Today in particular, I know that I've got everything i could ever ask for as presents, I've got MY LOVELY SISTER who loves me more than any other sister could have. BEST FRIEND who stick around with me TILL THE VERY END and FAMILY who will be there when i call for them and that is what i call the PERFECT GIFT that only God could give.

So look at the moon, put your thumb towards the moon, close an eye and the moon is never bigger than your thumb ;)
Smile and that's all its worth in living (:

Love; Amber xoxox

CINDERELLA

Hey hey bloggers,

Its been a while :) Have you ever wonder how a heart can feel pain when nothing is actually poking it? but some how we just felt that particular pain cause by hurts? Well literally is hurt some form of pin? If you ever did, then i guess we're much alike. I've always and still ask myself that particular questions sometimes when think of it or when i am facing that situation. As days passed and its been more than 7 months passed, i realized how many decision ahead of me waiting for to be decided. Just like everyone else. The worst part of deciding is know that every decision affect the future upcoming.

Worry, distressed and sadness are part of what it felt like. Deep in thoughts and loads in mind. I sounded all emotional and "EEEWWW" i know! I said these because i realize how much things can change in our lives if we just take the first step in changing ourselves and making our very own decisions. Just like Cinderella, she wasnt born to be a "Cinder" until her father decides to marry another and unfortunately was of no good to her. She wasnt born to live without her father. Everything was cause by decision made by her father. BUT yet she kept her heart pure with kindness and compassion . To love and treat others the way she should have been treated. Then again Cinderella took one step that changes her life for ever. She WENT to the ball, dance with a prince and FALL IN LOVE. Struggle to be together with her love one and the rest is history. You may now tell me that all this is a FAIRYTALE and they don't exists neither would it come true, but there is NOTHING wrong in DREAMING and BELIEVING. Its only wrong when you failed to believe. In life, we are alot like Cinderella. We love when we fall in love, sometimes we even work harder just to get what we love, we struggle to be with the ones we love, we learn to let go of what we love and in the end (we might not see it now, sooner or later we would) we are loved in return when least expects it.

Through it all, stay strong for love and don't failed to love. Making the right decisions is when you made it with love. EVEN if its hard. Because without struggles they'll never be understandings and when there's no understandings they'll never be L-O-V-E and when you Love Others, its Vanishes all Evil (:

Have a LITTLE solitary with smile.
Love and be love
Make you decisions today with love and for love


MISS & LOVE MY PAPPA AND MAMMA
MISS & LOVE YOU MY BESTIES
LOVE YOU ALL BLOGGERS OUT THERE

Love:
AMBER :)

ANSWERS

Its just a wonder how much one could think when they want to. Lately thinking has been on my mind. I thought loads about everything. If this is meant to be. If i was meant to stay in form 6. If it is so, how come i don't see my future with it? I hate it when i started thinking this way. I should be grateful for what is laid in front of me now. I have great family who supports me in whatever i want to. I have great friends in school even when i don't really know whats on their mind because i don't really know them. What more can i ask for? To be honest if i had the chance to, my question would be "This is it? Why? How?" But somehow i know deep in me that i am the only one who can answer all of it. Why am i not even trying to answer it myself? Why do i keep on pushing things away? Why do i just kept thinking but never really do anything about it?

After a long time of thinking, i realized one thing i MISSED the most in life these past few months is to talk about how i felt. What i think. Or maybe to express what i feel. That is isn't a crime to HAVE A BAD DAY. And for people to UNDERSTAND that it is okay to FEEL that way. It sometimes got me thinking to, why do people around me get to do so and i don't? Why cant they not give me the same understanding and encouragement like i gave them? I know i SOUND selfish and all but hey i am a human too. I've got feelings. They got feelings and i never treated them like its a crime to feel that way. Isn't if fair to do just ONCE the same for me?

But then again I KNOW that AT THE END, NO ONES PERFECT AND I WILL ACCEPT THEM AS WHO THEY ARE NO MATTER WHAT. And the fact that I AM NOT PERFECT EITHER. Lesson learnt today is to be PATIENT and ACCEPT ANYONE and EVERYONE as WHO THEY ARE.
p/s:cant wait for holidays! I am coming back home! :D

LOOVE AND MISS YOU BOTH ANDREAWONG & BEVERYRACHEL

A little solitary for today and a whole new chapter for tomorrow :)
xoxoxoo
AMBER(:

Stay Beautiful

School. Is the word for this blog(: As much as i previously said how awkward school was.. Well it still is. But the difference is that now i have friends. Helpful, annoying, cute, pretty, funny, honest, helpful, talkative and all sorts of friends, they have a different heart, thoughts, voice & size, but they all live in a small place called Labuan. :) Its great to know how people here can be soo different from places i've lived and been. Lets talk a little about school and subjects. Well, I am currently taking Economics, History, Business, General Studies, Malay & MUET. Economics can be hard at times especially Microeconomics. But its because our teacher uses his book a 1998 publisher and we are using 2010. So in advance we don't really understand what he's teaching but after all its easy if you read and understand and assignments done :) History is the most tiring among all. Assignment given in every single class!! :O My hand and fingers ache just to finish the assignment given. Business can be fun IF and only if teacher is in a good mood (: She's after all very nice towards us (: General studies well for me by far the best! I've got to learn allot in general studies and its such a great subject because it made me realize the important of general studies (: Getting to know my countries and all things general :D Malay is okaaay. but i somehow still wish if only there was Literature :(. Overall studies are treating me well.

Yeap so this is how i look like every morning

Generally, i've been selected as a school prefect and its quite interesting how prefects are chosen. :D hah well i guess that's my luck!
Having good time here with studies, life and friends but well deep inside i miss KK. I miss my Andrea & Beverly. (: I cant wait to see them as soon as i can! <3 u both!! And to my current close friends Fasyah & Vivi, THANKS for everything :) Stay close!

To both Andrea & Bev, Take good care of yourselves and I LOVE YOU! <3

felt like talking

Awesome is the word for today. Not only that my journal i doing fine but i had a great time with orientation today in school. Well even though it was disgustingly dirty but i m pretty sure i had ALL the fun! :) heeeeeee. What made me even happier today is that i m actually talking to my best friend. Thats when they say internet connects. Its true. What my bestie comments it really felt like i am talking to her. They way we used to. This blog i dedicate it to her.
  
Andie, i know that what you say is true. Someday somehow we will be apart and we must be ready for it. And i TRUST you when you said that you'll try your best to keep the bond strong because i will too. Promise. I really believe God has prepared us for what is lying ahead of us. The fact that He made us apart now really did tested how much commitment we put in order to still keep our friendship alive. It don't matter how late you keep yourself update but Andie your advise will always be enough to keep me going and plus Bev's advise, I KNOW I AM ready. Andie, you will always be the one i know i can count on and the one that somehow just know whats on my mind. Sometimes i wish i could do more for you. To be there like you've been through for me. To know you well as well as you've known me. :( But i know for sure, when we are apart you'll always be in my PRAYERS. Together with Bev. You both will be in my prayers. Always.

Take Good care of yourself. and know that i enjoyed every of your comments and it REALLY felt like i m talking to you! Loove you!

To Bev, i really wish i could do much more for you to!! I love u! Take care and keep me updated. You know how much i care! Because if you don't know, well I DO CARE!

ps. I M ALWAYS A CALL/TEXT AWAY! <3

xoxox
AMBER your fugly princess. ALWAYS

RESPECT

As time goes by and as school is starting. I am appreciating what God has in store for me in this year. I have made PROPER friends. Friends whom understands the meaning of friendship. It has been a tired and gruesome week as we prepare ourselves for this Friday's Teachers day. Well all i have to say is i guess this whole week, it made me realise who my clique are and how to be a good leader. Its all about responsibility and respect. Nothing has changed in me i guess its just that i will always stick to my perspective that i will respect you if and only if you have respect me back. Friendship is about understanding and listening. Not talking without proper induction before making some statement. I have learn't a lot this week, seen a lot and i believe there's much more for me to explore, understand, see and hear :) One thing for sure i have in mind for today is RESPECT!

Have a little solitary, respect and smile! xxx AMBER. Love you ANDREA WONG & BEVERLY RACHEL
Meet my new friends :) awesome~posem people!

Meet my close friend. Fasyah and I (:

Timmy Yee :) Very pro in P.A system

Another of my close friend Viviana Benedict. :) Sorry, picture sideways :(

Ayub, Jaynal & Rafiq

New school :)

Rafiq and i

Syadiqin, my other close friends, So theres 4 of us, Dyqin, Vi, Asyah and me :D

Asyah, fasyah kitash pergish sekolash :D

Busy doing bunga manggar :D

 Enjoy!
Love always; amber (:

ODD

Okay soo today i started going to school by my self. My mind was ready and i was prepared to make new friends. It was during the first period that we were asked to go up front to introduce ourselves. The moment i said my name and where my previous school was, everyone stared at me as if i came from some alien school and place. They start calling me ORANG PUTIH (white) because i was tall and very fair. I used to like people calling me that but somehow today i found it annoying and i felt pretty left out. :O The fact that no one seems to speak English and i tried speaking Malay, yet everyone seems to try really hard to converse in English with me. But sad to say, i don't even understand what they are saying to me when they spoke English. I was stared by 77 pairs of eyes today as they were about 78 of us in Sixth form through out the period of 8.30am till 12.30pm. :O

God save me. Have mercy on me. I sat with two weird people today. One Chinese girl who seem to only speak Chinese and stare blankly with mouth wide open! And on the other side, a girl who kept on staring at herself in front of her pocket mirror. All throughout the session of orientation. According to the teachers whom i don't even know their names said the orientation will last till Thursday. Well what more can i say but i wish orientation will be over soon and we get our lasses so i can make PROPER friends.

God please make Thursday come faster and tomorrow a better day than today. Yet i still THANK You for a not soo bad day (: I guess I've had enough for today! *sighs* Another day again tomorrow. All i need is

A little SOLITARY, a  little FAITH and a little COURAGE

SMILE. (:

p/s I LOVE BOTH OF YOU AND I MISS YOU AND YOUR COMPANY. ANDREAWONG,BEVERLYRACHEL ilove u :O

The Time Is Here

My time of doing nothing and not studying is finally going to be over  by Monday! :D I am going to start school in Labaun, SMK Labuan. New school, new friends, new environment and alot of new stuffs. Nervous and excited should describe how i feel now. OMG! I still couldn't believe myself. I made a big step in to a new life. I guess everything is changing :( Sadly enough I'll be leaving my friends and KK for 2 years! TWO!! :(( WOW. But one thing I'll never want to change is MYSELF just to fit in with the people and culture here. Its odd that no one uses English as their mother tongue. Not that its bad but its because my MALAY is HORRIBLE! :( Ohh well, what more can i say but to just move ahead and keep going for the better of my future :)

So what I've learn't, i guess is that people and places will change but Gods plan for our future will never change. Sometimes His plans comes by surprise and we will never expected it. But in the end it will end up good. Yes they will be heartbreak and struggle through the process but in the end when you look back, its all worth the struggle and pain. And if you are wondering how am i to know this. Let me just say, its the best thing that have happened to me :) and i know there's more to come in my future :D

Again have a little faith, smile and a little solitary!
P/S HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!
I love both my besties :)
For life besties we will be :)
xxx
AMBER

THE JOURNAL

Seems like today to me, this year is going to be different. Went to school for M.A.K. Met all my teachers whom are really nice to me. The difference was i went as a ex-student. It felt weird and i felt guilty that i failed to help my bestie to take her awards because our name was close to each other. :( I M SOO SORRY. But other than that, i am now currently writing a journal about life and stuff of me and my 2 best friend. So that someday when i read it, i will always remember this year 2011. The year that might bring alot of changes in our lives and already are. I miss my best friend in USA. I seriously miss talking to her about sooo MANY things. Anyway, this Journal.

Hmm this Journal is called THIS JOURNAL BELONGS. I know it sound all plain and stuffs but it means alot, it means it could belong to any of us. Continue writing it and it will mean something. Its our journey from 2011 onwards. With pictures and journeys from all 3 of us. Maybe also about others around us. The events that has been happening in our life. I hope to continue writing this journal till the day i die, so that someday someone might read it and know what friendship is like and how we cope with it, so that they'll know that no matter how far we are from each other we try our best to be close to each other. And that is what sisterhood and friendship are all about. So that someday they will continue this journal for me about their friendship and sisterhood. This journal maybe a thing that i start because i was bored and i've got nothing else to do, but i tell you this, its something you'll never want to miss out doing in your life.

Start writing a journal atleast for yourself or do it, maybe like me for friendship and sisterhood.
So that someday when you feel like reading something, read it and read it from the start, i promise you,
IT WILL DEFINITELY MAKE YOU SMILE

Soo have a little COURAGE, have a little FAITH, have a little SOLITARY in life.

p/s i miss u guys both. still no matter how close and far we are from each other.
xxx
AMBERSTORIES

DADDY

Today , I talked about mama and papa. Some how i cried less than i use to but when i just sat in my room staring at the pretty white walls, tears slowly roll down.  And i cry and cry and cry and cry. I ask myself deep in my heart behind those tears. Why? why am i crying? Why didnt i cry when i talked about it just now? Why now? Maybe it meant NOTHING when i talked. Or maybe there is something. I know there's no solid answer. Maybe if i, through this hurt live and learn and try, try to search for papa. But how could i ever be normal? How? There's to many questions unanswered. Probably its up to me to answer it or shall i just ignore it? I just felt so far away from papa. The more i move on the more harder it is for me to put him back in my heart. And i hate this. I want him close, close to me so that i wont ever feel the distance . I want the feeling of secure and closeness that no one and i mean NO ONE could replace.

When i lay down on my bed, i miss those times when i can just walk into his room, lay on his bed and just sleep there until he comes back from work knowing he'll never wake me up but instead tuck me in. Then when i finally woke up he would say "So Manja laa you girl" *manja means spoiled* and i would just smile and hug him. Or the moments like walking with him because people always just somehow knows i am his daughter and when he fetch me from school and brings me to lunch and training. The fact that we talked like father and daughter in the restaurant, made me feel closer to him.  God if i had a chance to ask you a question, it'd be "Why did you spare me 2 months in getting to know my dad and get closer to him, yet take him away from me right after?"

In that 2 months. I get to learn about my dad. So much that i thought i barely knew him. I was never this close to my dad until the last 2 months before he left. My wish came true. To get to know my dad. Get closer to him. Listen to him and understands him. Most importantly loving him more than i use to. I am glad he was able to do the same. But 2 months? 2 months is not enough. If i could trade a few years of my life for him i would. I'd rather have him for years and not getting to know him that well than 2 months of bonding yet looses him in the end. Yes, i know people die and that's the fact of life. I know i say things like "Love with open heart like open palms, so next time its easier to let go". The bad news is, I love him with an open heart and closed it right that instance, now i couldn't let go, I don't want to.

Someday i wish some one could answer all these question for me. Give me an answer. So that i could stop using IF. So that i don't have to always write all this depressing stuff when it comes to mind. So that i can let go. And for now the only person that could answer all these is DADDY. But he is no longer here to answer me. I need an answer. Maybe i wish i could tell you daddy, tell you how much i LOVE you even without those 2 months. YOU meant soo much to me daddy. You and only you could ever understand how i feel about everything. Only you can understand my thought by just looking at me. But daddy where are you now? Can you hear me? DO you know i feel now?


I am terrified to love. Terrified to lose someone i love and not being able to let go. To get hurt. I am tired of crying and trying. I m tired. Just tired.


I WANT MY DADDY BACK 

xoxo

Just Go With It

Well i guess the title says it all. Comes from a movie. stealing the meaning of the movie and post it in her blog. well if you did guess that. I'll prove you wrong! *partly prove you wrong* :P My bestie and i went to watch that movie yesterday as i am now back in Malaysia :) I miss England and how things and people are. I m trying to get use to the Malaysian thingy and style again :) Back to the point. Just Go With It remind us(more of me i guess) that sometimes we need to take a chance and look deeper in life. Because the one or things you love might just be right in front of your eyes and you never notice. Maybe its time to look and understand. Seek and find. Fall and pick ourselves up again.

As we talk while we waited for the movie, i realised how much we have both grown in these past few months. We are big girls now. More sensitive with girls issues but nonetheless we are still who we are. She have really thought me alot about dealing with my feelings. But girl this i tell you, we fall and break. Its hard and it hurts but look deeper inside he might be just there waiting for you. Sometimes its better to be friends than to be nothing at all. Sometimes it makes you feel better by looking at them being happy. And God will bless you abundantly, for giving love and asked nothing in return. Because that is what He did and that is what love is all about. I love you.  :) You know who you are.

And to my bestie somewhere in the world not Malaysia. I love you alot and i miss you. wish you are here to listen and share with us all about your current life. Enjoy your life and i know you will. Stay positive like you always do and again I LOOVE YOU. TAKE CARE  :)

As for me, I dont really know. But if  he is reading this somewhere. I want work things out. Even if you dont. I wish we could atleast stay as friends. You are who you are and never change yourself because its the only reason why i first liked you. Again, I promised myself to have a little solitary and a little courage in life.

P/S: You know who you all are. And i love you :)
xoxo

Decisions, heartbreak, understanding, life

So here goes to my results which is utter disappointment and a life not in order but in control of someone else. Just when we thought the people whom we thought might understands us turn their back against us. Decisions of where to go for my future and stuffs. I wish my dad is here just to tell me what to do and what is best for me. I MISS HIM. I just want him to take me out for dinner and talk like usual about everything. I know i still can do that. But the real thing is he is no longer there to answer me like he does for 17 years of my life. There goes again to decision. I cant make.

Heartbreak? Yea.. did i actually really fell  in LOVE with someone? I guess i did. I almost gave my heart then i realise he wont give me back his heart because it wont work? I have been putting effort, sometimes i dont talk just to see if he does talk but no surprise, he never did start a conversation. I guess its over. There goes to my 1st heartbreak. Then, I am leaving England in less than a week now. Another heartbreak.

I am trying. trying really hard to understand alot of things that are happening in my life right now. I wonder if it meant anything. I guess it doesnt. But sometimes i feel it does. I dont know. Understanding was easy for me when i had someone close to explain it to me. Tell me on our journey back home what it meant. My best~est friend. Now, he is gone. Physically gone.

I guess this is what life is all about. I've got God and i've got myself.

Today, take courage, take challenge.

A little solitary, a little L.I.F.E

L.O.V.E

Yes finally the word. Finally i am blogging about L.O.V.E. Well what can i seriously say? I m 17 going 18 and for the first time i think i might  be in love. HAHA :P Love is complicated, It tingles in your heart and makes you goo OMG. Your mind is all about being wanting to be with him/her or you just cant seems to focus on the things you are currently doing. Fair enough i am feeling all those. But something in me tells me that i might not be ready for anything serious yet. But there is also another part that says YES do it. I dont know and i want to know.

After a week of still in "communication", i might want to be in a relationship. The thing is I AM AFRAID. Afraid that someday i am going to lose him which is going to happen and let me heart be broken again. I know everytime i fall i pick myself up again but the biggest fall i have been through, i have not really pick myself up. I fall every now and then thinking bout papa and mama. I know my heart is free when i am ready to let go. But i dont want to let go. and in my words not letting go is LOVE.

He said i changed him for the better and i am GLAD i did. because  i want that change too. Its hard for me and hard for both my BESTIES to read this but yeah. I never really let go and strong? I am not as strong as everyone see's me.

Yet i struggle and this struggle made me who i am now. I am glad i struggled and for me

L.O.V.E means

"Not letting go but being able to talk about it without tears"

Today i decide to have a little solitary and a little courage.

Move on and love

*PS: I LOVE BOTH OF U. u know WHO YOU ARE <3

Being me

Today i realise that in the real world i cant always be me but i can always show the real world the true me. I had a great time with my cousin and it is great here. but maybe its just not meant to be. I wont be staying. I am going back home. Then again i realise today that in Camden Town London you can be different if you dare to be :) So what i am trying to say is that be yourself no matter how hard it will be or you think it will be. Put it this way then, just a little difference makes you special <3

So what i am going to do is be myself, try hard not to impress people too much and most importantly trust in Him
World be prepared for me! :P

P.s to the people i love: I LOVE YOU & BOTH OF YOU KNOW WHO U ARE

THIS IS IT

Just when everynight i was about to close my eyes that are soo tired, things come running across my mind. i need to make my decision right now. NOW. This is more than what i think it would be. Is my future, my life. A new start. A new life. I have to admit it is a great opportunity and bright future but yet again i admit that i am afraid. Very afraid that it might not work out. Or m i really ready for such a big change? achange that could mean so much. Good and bad.


But somehow i know, this time its about me. for me. what i want and what i really want to do. Not decision made by someone for me. but instead a decision made by me for myself. so what ever the consequences is i m ready to take full responsibility and courage about it. I promise myself that. and i will make it happen.


I know that i make my life a story. I am the writer. and i will make things happen. Every life has its own story and every story comes to life. Quick check in reality.. sometimes even fairytale story happen in life but we just missed it out in life. Just be it. God and me= my life

Natural

Somehow today i realize as i upload those pictures on facebook. The smile in it seems more happy and and natural. Its like it made me smile just by looking at it. Back then when i am in pictures or shall i say i look back at my other pictures it doesnt seems natural. I mean it all looked like i forced the smile out. I know i sounded all so pathetic but really it made me smile. I guess that the differences in places changes my personality and changes life. Its good to actually feel now that i am ready to start a new. Let go of my past and move forward. Dare to dream big. And make my dream come true. Make it a reality. Be strong and make my own decision. Without doubt make my future something i always wanted. England a very good place to start a new. I cant wait and i pray i will stay.

Well just a food for taught. Dreams make future we make dreams come true :) <3

Andrea & Beverly

I woke up today and felt that i need to write this. I need too.. Well maybe because i realised how much this blog is about.. Its time for me to say a little more about what i really meant, "my stories my life". Well... I here goes.. Every night i think about whats life here in this city but then i think again back in KK where i'll have my best friends to support me. 2011 is going to be interesting. because 2010 is much more than i've ever expected. Its when people say i am strong. Yes Andrea (If u are reading this :)) i know you would say i am but i still dont see it. But the difference now is that i know the reason why. Its because i HATE growing up.. I dont want to grow up and be old.. People like my age clings to an adult but i, I had to put up with clinging to myself.

Just once i'd like to just hear some one say "Hold my Hand" because i am still a little girl in me..Thats how its suppose to be. I dont understand why some people my age wants to grow up. Why? Kids have more fun. They play, they have nothing to worry about and they are at their closest to God. I want to be a KID! This is the one thing i'll miss in KK. because surely i know, You Andrea & Bev, you would always hold my hands. Everytime i needed.. Now. I am alone again. But i will never let go of your hands. I miss u guys alot more than i think i ever did..I just had to write this.

LOVE ALWAYS

Woopsie!

Hello Hello!!

So as i think everyone has relise its been a loong time since i BLOG! well yea... soo today i m going to blog about NEW YEAR IN LONDON! Its been a very tiring one yet satisfying! Even though i had to wait and stand for 4 hours just to see the fire works but it was WORTH it! Its beautiful and i LOVE it.. I really m considering staying here in UK because the people are SUPER nice and they've got my Chinese food and a better education and entertainment. I'll miiss my friends i know that but its really a great place to start a new and to be more successful. After all theres nothing worth looking forward too in KK.. Honestly..

But what ever it is. I pray and hope for the best.. Ohh and theres this big toy shop call HAMLEY! check it out! They have a section just for HARRY POTTER!!! They sell the broomsticks to even the sorting hat! How cools  that!! Its a 6 storey toy store and its cool!! I love it there!! And the view of London at night its BREATH TAKING! Check those pictures out!



PS: SORRY SOME PICTURES ARE UPSIDE DOWN!