The 4 Words

The 4 words we all know.

L.o.v,e

I am sorry if I have bored you enough with all my love posts. At this point I think of it myself, why do I always write about love, heartbreak and everything and nothing other than that. 

My answer is that I have not found the right kind of love that I need yet. I'd like to think as of now I have experience the most part about love. Love of family, friends, strangers, lovers, and of course God's love.

I pray to know what my calling is, at one point from the previous posts, I said I might have just found the love of my life. That experience made me realize that true love also meant sacrifice. The sacrifice of letting go and let the other person just leave and forgets about you, because that is the best you could do for them.

I used to love all the attention I get from the opposite sex, I love all the affections I get. I used to wonder what was it like to have a relationship and I did experienced it. I get the kind of guys that I am attracted to but somehow now it feels different. If I am still who I am months ago, I would have just go with it. Talk to the guy and experience the whole relationship thing again.

Somehow after what had happened last January, I realize I am no longer looking for those kind of relationship, where it doesn't last, where everything was just a passing by stage. I am no longer looking for affection, attention and flirtation. I am looking for something worth more. 

I am no longer searching for the "what if?" and I am no longer looking for 'electric' and 'butterflies'. I would go for the one that could make me smile and kind. No more bad boys. Just the kind that respects and never hurt my feelings. Mostly I am looking for happiness by being just all by myself. 

I cannot promise any beautiful moment being alone, but I am enjoying my own company now. Very much. I just want to be happy, be kind, be humble and be my own kind of beautiful and then everything will fall to its place. If 'he' ever existed then maybe 'he' will find me and just love me for me. 

So my lovely women/girl readers, don't go searching for him. Just let love come to you. Not now, not any time soon. But when it comes and it is the right one, it will stay. 

Travel, see the world, experience from the people and just be a better person. 

As of now, I pray that he who meant so much to me last January that he would be happy as well. 

I am catching my breath and soaking up the night. 

A toss of green tea to all the broken hearted girls and all who have lost what they use to think was once everything.

Just remember and tell yourself like I do" Close my eyes and smile. Its the best thing I could do now. Because I have love and be loved." 

xxxx

Amberstories

#2015positivevibes

 :)  

That Night

The day I saw "him" and at first sight I thought to myself of how good looking he is. Then I start talking to him and realize what a amazing person he is. Our conversation are usually brief but very meaningful and nice. I grew fond of him each passing day.

With him, everything was nice. He made me laugh, he told me his dreams, he told me his passion. He remembers every word I said from our previous conversations. He plays and goof around and never fail to put a smile on my face.

My first heart racing moment with him was when I fixed his tie, playing "thumb" game and taking pictures with him. He had me at hello, since the first time we met but I guess I never was any part of his.

That night, I will always remember, when in my head I pretend as if he was mine, start a conversation with him, let him hold my hands, let him take pictures with me and hug him. That night, I imagine what it would be like to be really his and to dance with him. That night he made me fall in love.

The funny thing is, I fell in love, with the guy who didn't fell for me. Who treat me nice and acknowledge every hug and conversation because he knew I liked him, he knew I was falling for him. That's why every conversation with him was brief, because he knew that the longer it is, the harder I would fall for him and he knew he will never in his life feels the same way.

But I like to keep every single memory I had with him, so that I can tell myself, this was the love of my life. I never felt like this before for anyone, I wonder why and I asked God why. Why did I feel so much, when he never did and never will.

That night, I promise to make the best memory I can with him. That night I knew, I gave my heart away once again.

And that night I knew, I will never be his.

Until we meet again. Stranger

xxx
AMBERSTORIES