Decisions, heartbreak, understanding, life

So here goes to my results which is utter disappointment and a life not in order but in control of someone else. Just when we thought the people whom we thought might understands us turn their back against us. Decisions of where to go for my future and stuffs. I wish my dad is here just to tell me what to do and what is best for me. I MISS HIM. I just want him to take me out for dinner and talk like usual about everything. I know i still can do that. But the real thing is he is no longer there to answer me like he does for 17 years of my life. There goes again to decision. I cant make.

Heartbreak? Yea.. did i actually really fell  in LOVE with someone? I guess i did. I almost gave my heart then i realise he wont give me back his heart because it wont work? I have been putting effort, sometimes i dont talk just to see if he does talk but no surprise, he never did start a conversation. I guess its over. There goes to my 1st heartbreak. Then, I am leaving England in less than a week now. Another heartbreak.

I am trying. trying really hard to understand alot of things that are happening in my life right now. I wonder if it meant anything. I guess it doesnt. But sometimes i feel it does. I dont know. Understanding was easy for me when i had someone close to explain it to me. Tell me on our journey back home what it meant. My best~est friend. Now, he is gone. Physically gone.

I guess this is what life is all about. I've got God and i've got myself.

Today, take courage, take challenge.

A little solitary, a little L.I.F.E

L.O.V.E

Yes finally the word. Finally i am blogging about L.O.V.E. Well what can i seriously say? I m 17 going 18 and for the first time i think i might  be in love. HAHA :P Love is complicated, It tingles in your heart and makes you goo OMG. Your mind is all about being wanting to be with him/her or you just cant seems to focus on the things you are currently doing. Fair enough i am feeling all those. But something in me tells me that i might not be ready for anything serious yet. But there is also another part that says YES do it. I dont know and i want to know.

After a week of still in "communication", i might want to be in a relationship. The thing is I AM AFRAID. Afraid that someday i am going to lose him which is going to happen and let me heart be broken again. I know everytime i fall i pick myself up again but the biggest fall i have been through, i have not really pick myself up. I fall every now and then thinking bout papa and mama. I know my heart is free when i am ready to let go. But i dont want to let go. and in my words not letting go is LOVE.

He said i changed him for the better and i am GLAD i did. because  i want that change too. Its hard for me and hard for both my BESTIES to read this but yeah. I never really let go and strong? I am not as strong as everyone see's me.

Yet i struggle and this struggle made me who i am now. I am glad i struggled and for me

L.O.V.E means

"Not letting go but being able to talk about it without tears"

Today i decide to have a little solitary and a little courage.

Move on and love

*PS: I LOVE BOTH OF U. u know WHO YOU ARE <3

Being me

Today i realise that in the real world i cant always be me but i can always show the real world the true me. I had a great time with my cousin and it is great here. but maybe its just not meant to be. I wont be staying. I am going back home. Then again i realise today that in Camden Town London you can be different if you dare to be :) So what i am trying to say is that be yourself no matter how hard it will be or you think it will be. Put it this way then, just a little difference makes you special <3

So what i am going to do is be myself, try hard not to impress people too much and most importantly trust in Him
World be prepared for me! :P

P.s to the people i love: I LOVE YOU & BOTH OF YOU KNOW WHO U ARE